Bad Puns!

Pyro Pilots Lounge. For all topics *not* covered in other DBB forums.

Moderators: fliptw, roid

Post Reply
User avatar
Bet51987
DBB Alumni
DBB Alumni
Posts: 2791
Joined: Sun May 30, 2004 6:54 am
Location: USA

Bad Puns!

Post by Bet51987 »

Add them if you have them.. :)

--I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.--

Bee
User avatar
AlphaDoG
DBB Admiral
DBB Admiral
Posts: 1345
Joined: Sun Dec 25, 2005 10:35 am
Location: Mt. Vernon Illinois

Post by AlphaDoG »

I thought my nose was bleeding, but it's not.
It's never good to wake up in the shrubs naked, you either got way too drunk, or your azz is a werewolf.

Image
User avatar
Fusion
DBB Ace
DBB Ace
Posts: 379
Joined: Sun Sep 07, 2003 2:01 am
Location: Valdez System, Underverse; 7 Stars, Azeroth

Post by Fusion »

Oh don't get me started..Wood/trees, electricty, kitchen, pictures just to name a few popular subjects that I can toss out there. Just ask a [RIP], a [NuB], or an independant that knows me. they'll tell ya.

Samples:
Barking up the wrong tree
[object] doesn't know how to conduct itself
you've been mugged
you've been framed, I just don't know what the crime was...

Fus
d0ggY
DBB Ace
DBB Ace
Posts: 103
Joined: Tue Jan 29, 2008 8:17 pm

Post by d0ggY »

One of my favs ...

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall ...the police are looking into it.
User avatar
Bet51987
DBB Alumni
DBB Alumni
Posts: 2791
Joined: Sun May 30, 2004 6:54 am
Location: USA

Post by Bet51987 »

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to the hospital. When his grandmother called to ask how he was, a nurse said, \"No change yet.\"

Bee
User avatar
Sedwick
DBB Ace
DBB Ace
Posts: 457
Joined: Mon May 14, 2007 8:30 am
Location: Waukesha, WI

Post by Sedwick »

We were going to talk about Arab stereotypes, but decided that might get explosive.
User avatar
Terminal
DBB Ace
DBB Ace
Posts: 59
Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2008 1:57 pm
Location: California, USA

Re:

Post by Terminal »

Bet51987 wrote:A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to the hospital. When his grandmother called to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."

Bee
That makes cents.
User avatar
Gekko71
DBB Captain
DBB Captain
Posts: 761
Joined: Sun May 27, 2007 2:50 am
Location: Perth

Post by Gekko71 »

Two peanuts were walking through Central Park at midnight. One was assaulted.

__________________________


The seven dwarves were taking a bath. They all felt happy. He got out.

__________________________

\"A man was walking through the Zoo when he saw a sign in the distance. He walked up to read it.

The sign said \"Beware - the Llama spits.\"

And he was.
________________________________________

\"I can make a pun on any subject you care to mention.\"

\"Very well - how about the Queen.\"

\"The Queen is not a subject.\"

OSCAR WILDE
__________________________________________

...And finally my all time favourite:


Winston Churchill was once called upon at a dinner party to give an impromptu speech on the subject of sex.

He stood up and said: \"It gives me great pleasure...\"

Then he sat down again.

True Story! :lol:
User avatar
SilverFJ
DBB Cowboy
Posts: 2043
Joined: Wed Jul 28, 1999 2:01 am
Location: Missoula, Montana
Contact:

Post by SilverFJ »

One time, I had insomnia, so I went to take some sleeping pills, but I didn't want to wake them up.
User avatar
TechPro
DBB Admiral
DBB Admiral
Posts: 1520
Joined: Thu May 20, 2004 11:51 pm

Post by TechPro »

A bass drum, a snare drum, and a cymbol fell off a cliff.

Ba da bing!







Ok, so that isn't technically a pun but it was all I could think of at the moment.
User avatar
fliptw
DBB DemiGod
DBB DemiGod
Posts: 6458
Joined: Sat Oct 24, 1998 2:01 am
Location: Calgary Alberta Canada

Post by fliptw »

A restaurant owner, commenting on the narrow pathways of his nearly ready to open establishment noted he'd have to be selective about his wait staff.
User avatar
Bet51987
DBB Alumni
DBB Alumni
Posts: 2791
Joined: Sun May 30, 2004 6:54 am
Location: USA

Post by Bet51987 »

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. he acquired his size from too much pi.

Bee
User avatar
Sedwick
DBB Ace
DBB Ace
Posts: 457
Joined: Mon May 14, 2007 8:30 am
Location: Waukesha, WI

Post by Sedwick »

I needed to repair my buttocks, because I rectum.
User avatar
AlphaDoG
DBB Admiral
DBB Admiral
Posts: 1345
Joined: Sun Dec 25, 2005 10:35 am
Location: Mt. Vernon Illinois

Post by AlphaDoG »

That last pun just reeks. :D
It's never good to wake up in the shrubs naked, you either got way too drunk, or your azz is a werewolf.

Image
User avatar
Foil
DBB Material Defender
DBB Material Defender
Posts: 4900
Joined: Tue Nov 23, 2004 3:31 pm
Location: Denver, Colorado, USA
Contact:

Re:

Post by Foil »

Bet51987 wrote:The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. he acquired his size from too much pi.
:) I like that one. (Yep, I'm a huge math geek.)
Math pun wrote:My mother is a mathematician, so she knows how to induce good behavior. "If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times...."
:wink:
User avatar
Floyd
DBB Captain
DBB Captain
Posts: 561
Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2003 2:01 am
Location: Germany
Contact:

Post by Floyd »

\"You're welcome to leave.\"
User avatar
Flatlander
DBB Fleet Admiral
DBB Fleet Admiral
Posts: 2404
Joined: Thu Apr 15, 1999 2:01 am
Location: Orlando, FL
Contact:

Post by Flatlander »

I read Frank and Earnest every day - very punny.
si vis pacem, para bellum
User avatar
CUDA
DBB Master
DBB Master
Posts: 6482
Joined: Thu Jun 07, 2001 2:01 am
Location: A Conservative Man in the Liberal bastion of the Pacific Northwest. in Oregon City. Oregon

Post by CUDA »

where ever you go there you are.

you can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish.
“To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.” 

― Theodore Roosevelt
User avatar
Insurrectionist
DBB Captain
DBB Captain
Posts: 557
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2004 7:01 am
Location: SE;JHFs
Contact:

Post by Insurrectionist »

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank -- proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
User avatar
TheCope
DBB Captain
DBB Captain
Posts: 511
Joined: Fri May 13, 2005 6:23 am
Location: mpls
Contact:

Post by TheCope »

My vacuum cleaner really sucks.
[12:54] <[RIP]Zaphod> but thx for TRYING to make a dilemma :-P
User avatar
EngDrewman
DBB Ace
DBB Ace
Posts: 232
Joined: Mon Oct 13, 2008 12:01 am
Location: Sacramento, CA
Contact:

Post by EngDrewman »

Image
User avatar
EngDrewman
DBB Ace
DBB Ace
Posts: 232
Joined: Mon Oct 13, 2008 12:01 am
Location: Sacramento, CA
Contact:

Post by EngDrewman »

1 mol of Avocados = a Guacamole!
User avatar
Ferno
DBB Commie Anarchist Thug
DBB Commie Anarchist Thug
Posts: 15012
Joined: Fri Nov 20, 1998 3:01 am

Post by Ferno »

\"I had a really crappy job\"

\"did you drive a septic truck?\"
User avatar
Flatlander
DBB Fleet Admiral
DBB Fleet Admiral
Posts: 2404
Joined: Thu Apr 15, 1999 2:01 am
Location: Orlando, FL
Contact:

Post by Flatlander »

So, you know how 8 bits = 1 byte? What would half a byte be?






...a nibble :)

[edit - fixed!]
User avatar
Floyd
DBB Captain
DBB Captain
Posts: 561
Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2003 2:01 am
Location: Germany
Contact:

Re:

Post by Floyd »

Flatlander wrote:So, you know how 8 bytes = 1 bit? What would half a byte be?
by your definitoin 1/16 bit :lol:
User avatar
Mickey1
DBB Ace
DBB Ace
Posts: 315
Joined: Fri Mar 12, 1999 3:01 am

Post by Mickey1 »

Most Indiana farmers are out standing in their field.
Gooberman
DBB Alumni
DBB Alumni
Posts: 6155
Joined: Mon Mar 15, 1999 3:01 am
Location: tempe Az

Post by Gooberman »

A termite walks into a bar and says, \"Where's the bar tender?\"
User avatar
AlphaDoG
DBB Admiral
DBB Admiral
Posts: 1345
Joined: Sun Dec 25, 2005 10:35 am
Location: Mt. Vernon Illinois

Post by AlphaDoG »

A baby seal walked into a club....
It's never good to wake up in the shrubs naked, you either got way too drunk, or your azz is a werewolf.

Image
User avatar
Bet51987
DBB Alumni
DBB Alumni
Posts: 2791
Joined: Sun May 30, 2004 6:54 am
Location: USA

Post by Bet51987 »

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

Bee
User avatar
Insurrectionist
DBB Captain
DBB Captain
Posts: 557
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2004 7:01 am
Location: SE;JHFs
Contact:

Post by Insurrectionist »

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
User avatar
Ktulu
DBB Cadet
DBB Cadet
Posts: 11
Joined: Thu Aug 02, 2001 2:01 am
Location: Philadelphia PA, USA Earth, Sol system
Contact:

Post by Ktulu »

Seven days on honeymoon makes one hole weak
Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel, is just a freight train coming your way!
User avatar
Lobber
Emotastic!!
Emotastic!!
Posts: 1325
Joined: Wed Nov 18, 1998 3:01 am

Post by Lobber »

So Fred sent ten puns into a pun contest.
Fred asked the contest director if any of his puns won any prizes, but no pun in ten did.
User avatar
Money!
DBB Captain
DBB Captain
Posts: 679
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 10:15 pm

Re:

Post by Money! »

Lobber wrote:So Fred sent ten puns into a pun contest.
Fred asked the contest director if any of his puns won any prizes, but no pun in ten did.
Nice.

A man walks into a bar...

Ouch!
Birdseye wrote:It's never over
User avatar
Duper
DBB Master
DBB Master
Posts: 9214
Joined: Thu Nov 22, 2001 3:01 am
Location: Beaverton, Oregon USA

Post by Duper »

..so a dyslexic man walks into a bra...
User avatar
SirWinner
DBB Fleet Admiral
DBB Fleet Admiral
Posts: 2700
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 1998 12:01 pm
Location: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, United States of America
Contact:

Post by SirWinner »

So Duper...

Does that mean that \"Dyslexics need to untie\"?

(\"untie\" a common dyslexic way of spelling \"unite\".)

:)
User avatar
Duper
DBB Master
DBB Master
Posts: 9214
Joined: Thu Nov 22, 2001 3:01 am
Location: Beaverton, Oregon USA

Post by Duper »

only if you're lysdexic. :lol:
User avatar
Octopus
DBB Captain
DBB Captain
Posts: 600
Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2008 3:49 am

Post by Octopus »

I hate to necro but... I came up with a pun! :)


Father Jacob raised his hands and said, \"Lettuce Spray\".
User avatar
Gekko71
DBB Captain
DBB Captain
Posts: 761
Joined: Sun May 27, 2007 2:50 am
Location: Perth

Post by Gekko71 »

(Singing): \"Old Macdonald was dislexic O I E O A...\"
User avatar
Octopus
DBB Captain
DBB Captain
Posts: 600
Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2008 3:49 am

Post by Octopus »

I was going to buy a Saturn but they're a bit too spacey.
User avatar
Zantor
DBB Ace
DBB Ace
Posts: 453
Joined: Sat May 28, 2005 2:43 pm
Location: Midwest United States
Contact:

Post by Zantor »

What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Post Reply