Family

[CDN_Merlin]

I would like to know if any of you are not talking to people in your family? I would also like to know if it has affected you and how.

The reason I am asking this is because I do not have a relationship with anyone in my family including both my parents for reasons I don't want to go into as it is to painful.

It has affected my life since I was about 7 and I've come to the conclusion that I need to voice my feelings to my parents about how they treated me while I was growing up.

I would like to know if anyone has gone through something like this and how they did it, if it went well and if you felt better afterwards.

Thanks

[Duper]

Personally, I've not been in that situation. My wife has family members that hold grudges against each other for various reasons.

My brother and Mom are not talking for no appearant reason.

Best of luck Merlin. A family rift is seldom a good thing. My folks divorced when I was 11 and it's only been in recent years that all the scare tissue has mended.

[Cuda68]

I have not spoken to my sister in 30 years. Neither has the rest of my family. She is angery about her childhood and blames us for it.

[Flabby Chick]

Father, 23 years. Not a nice chappie.

[Testiculese]

I don't talk to my sister, and have no interest in doing so in the future. She dropped out of college to be trailer-trash with her trailer trash boyfriend. A shame, 'cause she's pretty smart, but she has no common sense. My dad's been telling her how to pick up the pieces of her life, but she refuses to do anything he suggests. She only calls him when she's in jail or wants money or something. He's stopped picking up the phone. I haven't seen her for 10 years, I suppose.

I'm also not talking to my entire mom's side of the family. Uncles, cousins, aunts..all of them. Something happened when my grandmom died. I don't know what happened, she wouldn't really tell me, but I did get an idea when my uncle called one time. My grandmom did not want ANY of the kids to come to the hospital during her last days, she explicitly forbid it. Understandable..I wouldn't want my grandchildren to see me that way. Well, my mom was the only one that abided by that, and my idiot uncle called me and basically tried to make my mom the bad guy because she didn't take me to see my grandmom. I let him have an earful about it and haven't talked to them since. Been about 5 years.

It doesn't affect me. Family is just another group of people. You certainly don't have to like them.

[CDN_Merlin]

Testi, do you never feel \"alone\" without them? I recently been speaking with my cousin that I was very close with growing up. We hadn't spoken since my grandmother died in the mid 90's. I found out he doesn't speak with his mom either. She is another one I don't like. It's just somedays I feel my life is hallow because I have no family like most people.

I don't like my parents as individuals. They are not caring or loving and I honestly think they should of never had kids. They've always only been interested in themselves. My mom was the worst. She also taught my sister how to scam her way through life by using people.

[Testiculese]

No, but by nature I am an alone type of person. Hell is other people.

My mom, while a decent person, has not had much interest in me when I was growing up. I think she was the type that wanted babies while they were babies, but then babies grow up, and she didn't want kids. She was missing from my life for seven years. She's back now, sorta. We get along well now that we are both adults, but I'm still a bit 'cool' towards her and don't actively seek out to call her, though I enjoy when she calls.

My father, on the other hand, we talk on a daily basis. I think that because my dad and I were so close growing up, that I did not need my mother around, and I do not feel a loss.

[CDN_Merlin]

See, my mom was the one who raised me after my parents divorced. It was a bitter one. She is a very selfish person and always put herself (cigs and gas money) before us. Yet, she never had a job, she collected welfare and charity of her parents.

I don't miss her per say but I feel pain when I see others get along with their parents and have a relationship with them. I've always been cold to my mom for as long as I remember. My sister is the same way, she has used me like my mom did. One example is if I had no cigs, I'd ask her for one and she'd wouldn't give me one until I promised to give her a 1/2 pack back. This is what she learned from my mom.

This is why I talk to neither of them.

[ccb056]

and the moral of the story is:

if smoking doesn't kill you, it will kill your relationship with family members

[CDN_Merlin]

and the moral of the story is:

if smoking doesn't kill you, it will kill your relationship with family members

Smoking wasn't the cause of the decline of my relationships with my family. They were the cause.

[Bet51987]

I would like to know if any of you are not talking to people in your family? I would also like to know if it has affected you and how.

The reason I am asking this is because I do not have a relationship with anyone in my family including both my parents for reasons I don't want to go into as it is to painful.

It has affected my life since I was about 7 and I've come to the conclusion that I need to voice my feelings to my parents about how they treated me while I was growing up.

I would like to know if anyone has gone through something like this and how they did it, if it went well and if you felt better afterwards.

Thanks

All I have is my dad and my dog. No mother, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc, but what I will tell you is that I would have given anything to have a real family, and by real, I mean all of it. I have neighbors (guardians) who I call aunt and uncle and a priest I call grandpa but its not the same.

So, if you can, try to put aside your arguments and make it work somehow but never give up completely. I know I'm not equipped to advise you but thats the best I can do.

Bee

[Capm]

My wife has a big family, and they're all pretty close for the most part, there is a squabble every now and then but nothing too major. My family, while I was fortunate that my immediate family was intact (my parents never divorced...somehow) I know very little of my Dads side of the family because my mom doesn't like them, for no apparent reason. She is convinced that they were all evil and out to get her and didn't want them influencing me so we rarely if ever saw them. My brothers and I were so far apart, my oldest brother (12 years older) left home when I was little, and my other brother (7 years older) and I never got along until he moved out. I never had any problems with my Dads side of the family, and as I've gotten older, I feel that its just my mom that has caused this rift because the rest of the family \"just wasnt' good enough\" apparently. My brothers know more about what the hell is going on, but never really tell me much.


The point I'm trying to make here, is that there are some gulfs that cannot be crossed alone, and some bridges that just cannot be repaired by you.

[Bet51987]

There are some gulfs that cannot be crossed alone, and some bridges that just cannot be repaired by you.

I never heard this said before. I'm going to keep it.

Bee

[CDN_Merlin]

Sadly enough, this bridge cannot be repaired. I don't like my mom's side of the family, which is the one I grew up with. My dad's side we never saw much of. Don't know why but that is the way it happened.

My mom, even after I moved out kept on lying to me and using me and telling my life story including my wife's story to everyone she met without any consideration to us.

I don't need someone like this in my life and I've told her many times to stop and she doesn't.

[De Rigueur]

I've come to the conclusion that I need to voice my feelings to my parents about how they treated me while I was growing up.

I would like to know if anyone has gone through something like this and how they did it, if it went well and if you felt better afterwards.

I know someone (an adult, married female) who was raised by an abusive, alcoholic mother. I believe her mother has not reformed and it's unlikely any significant reconciliation is possible. She told me she wrote her mother a letter expressing her feelings, but when the reply came, she burned it unopened.

I don't know if your situation is anything like hers, but I thought it might be relevant.

I feel pain when I see others get along with their parents and have a relationship with them.

I know what you mean. My father died when I was 13 and seeing other people with their fathers reminds me of my lack.