This is something I wrote up about Monogamy a while back. It's frank, but not obscene.
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I believe that God invented sex, and that he intended for it to work in certain ways. One of those was pair-bonding.
In animal species where the primary point of sex is reproduction, the female goes into \"heat\" when she is ovulating, accompanied by some easily determined signal to the male that she is ready.
That is the pattern for most animals. There are a few exceptions that work more like humanity though, and do not have any obvious way for a male to determine if a female is ovulating. In these species, the primary purpose of sex is NOT reproduction. (Not denying that that reproduction IS one of the purposes, but its not the PRIMARY purpose) The primary purpose is Bonding, strengthening ties between individuals. And thats the way humans use sex as well. In humans, the primary purpose of sex is to tie a husband and wife closely together, both physically and emotionally.
That's why God insisted upon virginity before marriage, and strict monogamy afterwards. He DESIGNED sex, he knows how it is supposed to work, and He knows that a couple that has sex, any couple, undergoes irreversible mental changes involved in pair-bonding. Let me start at the beginning so we can get a better understanding of this.
We were all born with certain genetic predispositions as to what kind of partners we would find attractive (like in my case, girls)
That was later expanded greatly upon by our environment.What we found exciting in the opposite sex was altered by our developing personalities, the way our parents got along, the way they looked, auto-erotic activity, the clothes the kid next door wore, what kind of flowers grew outside of your bedroom window, who knows what all went into the mix?
One way or another you end up a virgin with an opinion of what you like. But that perspective is still largely pliable and undeveloped. There are things you, as yet, have no strong preferences about. Things that you never questioned whether you would like them, sometimes because you didn't even know they existed.
But when we actually become sexually experienced, we discover that our sexuality is shaped by those we share it with.
Back in 1903, Ivan Pavlov published the results of an interesting experiment he had done. It was a study of dogs and their digestive systems. When a dog sees or smells food, it starts salivating (drooling). And that saliva signals the stomach to start getting ready to digest the food. This is an \"INNATE\" reflex. It's built in. The dog doesn't have to think about it or learn it, if they see food, they drool, and their stomach gets ready to digest.
But Pavlov thought he might be able to get something more interesting than an innate reflex. So every day, when it was time to feed the dogs, he rang a bell. And, after a while, he created a \"CONDITIONED\" reflex. When he rang the bell, the dogs would salivate, even if there was no food present. The dogs had learned to associate the bell with food. And their bodies RESPONDED to that stimulus, automatically. That \"automatically\" is an important point. The dog was not in \"control\" of this response, their brains had CHANGED in such a manner that the response was now burned into their neural pathways and happened as reflexively as the natural innate response. When you rang the bell, the dog drooled. It couldn't stop it if it wanted too.
You can develop a conditioned reflex in any animal who's brain is complex enough to associate two different stimuli. And people have the most complex brains on this planet, which makes it VERY easy for us to develop conditioned reflexes. We rely upon it. It's how we learn many important reactions needed for survival.
But the topic was sex, how does this whole Pavlov thing tie into sex? Quite directly. Sex is just about the most powerful stimulus most humans will ever experience. It's VERY good at creating conditioned reflexes, which is why I said that our sexuality is shaped by those we share it with. Not just influenced, but SHAPED. We are changed by sex, our brains actually alter and we develop new reflexes based on what happens during sex.
For example, when I was a young man, I only had one serious preference in women. They had to be female.
I didn't much care if they were plump or skinny, short or tall, blonde, brunette or redhead, double A or double D. If it was female, it would probably catch my eye.Now I've been married 19 years, and things have changed drastically. It's NOT that I never notice a pretty woman walking down the street. And I still think ALL women are beautiful. But, funny thing, when a woman grabs my attention now, she is most likely built in a similar fashion to my wife.
My tastes have narrowed, and in a very reasonable and predictable way. It's simple Pavlovian conditioning. And that is NOT a bad thing. It's the way sex was MEANT to work.
For 19 years I've been TRAINED to associate my wife's shape, her walk, her voice, her hair, the way she kisses, and the way she makes love, EVERYTHING about my wife, with intense pleasure. I don't have to THINK about it, I don't have to concentrate on it, it's burned into my neural pathways now. I associate the way my wife looks and acts, with pleasure. My body responds to her, automatically.
This bias is a part of me now, and if my wife divorced me tomorrow, my sexual preferences would not change. Any new intimate relationship I tried to develop would have to get over the handicap that my body now responds MUCH more strongly to women of a certain height, build, and shape. That I have developed a particular style of lovemaking aimed at pleasing one particular woman, not women in general. Every difference between my new love and the old would be a barrier that had to be gotten over. A rough spot in the relationship that had to be sanded down. And the truth is that I would NEVER be able to fully eliminate the changes my wife made in my brain. They will always be there.
A virgin making love for the first time is learning a new art form, but this is an art that requires two, and the virgin is learning to play counter-beat to someone else's rhythm.
Every time a couple makes love, they learn a little bit more about each other, they actually change to become a little bit better fitted to each other.
If the lovers later take on new partners, they will have to start the learning process all over again, but this time with much stronger predispositions that have to be ground down or built up to match their new partners needs.
Every time someone switches lovers, they leave behind a little bit of themselves molded into the old partner's psyche, and take a little bit of that person along with them, making it, after a time, very difficult to ever achieve a real 'fit' with anyone at all.
Just think of the incredible advantage a couple has if they decide to remain virgins until they get married. No preconceived notions, no habits built up with other lovers. Instead of the husband remembering OTHER women's breasts, he'll be learning to associate his wife's breasts, whatever their size and shape, with pleasure. Instead of the wife having an internal debate about whether she prefers her men circumcised or uncircumcised, she'll be learning to associate her husband, whatever the status of his foreskin, with pleasure.
And MOST important of all, neither partner will be trying to adjust to the fact that their new lover has different taste from their previous ones. No, \"Oh, but so and so did this!\", or \"Ooo, yuck! Who taught you to do THAT?\" Instead, they will be learning to make love TOGETHER. They will be building up a style of lovemaking that is unique and particularly their own. A style uncontaminated by OTHERS wants and needs, but focused ONLY on pleasing the two of them. They will be becoming experts, not on sex in general, but on the specific and unique erotic needs and desires of their partner.
All of this nonsense about 'trying out sex to see if you're compatible' is exactly that, nonsense. No couple is truly compatible until they've been making love for fifty years. Then their sexualitys will be so well shaped to each other that the caresses of the best trained courtesan who can quote the Kamasutra backwards and forward will not compare to the ecstasies they can achieve.
If you really want to enjoy sex, wait until you are married, stay married, and of course, once you are married, practice, practice, practice!
