Been a while since we had one of these, I was LOLing on this one:
A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, \"Do you know who I am?\"
The man replied, \"Yep, sure do,\"
\"Aren't you afraid of me?\" Satan asked.
\"Nope, sure ain't.\" said the man.
\"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?\" asked Satan.
\"Don't doubt it for a minute,\" returned the old man, in an even tone.
\"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?\" persisted Satan.
Yep,\" was the calm reply.
And you're still not afraid?\" asked Satan.
\"Nope,\" said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, \"Why aren't you afraid of me?
The man calmly replied, \"Been married to your sister for 48 years.\"
Satan and the Old Man
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Kilarin
- DBB Fleet Admiral
- Posts: 2403
- Joined: Wed Aug 07, 2002 2:01 am
- Location: South of Ft. Worth Texas
Once upon a time there was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money, he'd stored it away in offshore accounts in the Cayman Islands, and naturally enough he wanted to be able to take it with him to Heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. An angel heard his plea and appeared to him.
\"Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you. Rules is rules.\"
The man begged the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules, and he prayed and prayed and prayed that his wealth might follow him. The angel reappeared and informed the man that God had decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man went to his local bank branch, cashed in all his savings and got them to turn it into pure gold bars (you have to be a special customer of course, but he was). He took down his largest suitcase and filled it with the gold bars and placed it beside his bed.
Soon afterwards, especially after all these exertions running to and fro with the gold bars of course, he died and showed up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St Peter.
St Peter, seeing the suitcase, said: \"Hold on a second pal, I don't care how rich and important you used to be - you can't bring that in here!\"
The man explained to St Peter that he had permission and asked him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St Peter checked, came back and said, \"You're right, Mister. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through.\"
St Peter opened the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaimed, \"You brought ... paving stones?!?\"
\"Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you. Rules is rules.\"
The man begged the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules, and he prayed and prayed and prayed that his wealth might follow him. The angel reappeared and informed the man that God had decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man went to his local bank branch, cashed in all his savings and got them to turn it into pure gold bars (you have to be a special customer of course, but he was). He took down his largest suitcase and filled it with the gold bars and placed it beside his bed.
Soon afterwards, especially after all these exertions running to and fro with the gold bars of course, he died and showed up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St Peter.
St Peter, seeing the suitcase, said: \"Hold on a second pal, I don't care how rich and important you used to be - you can't bring that in here!\"
The man explained to St Peter that he had permission and asked him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St Peter checked, came back and said, \"You're right, Mister. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through.\"
St Peter opened the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaimed, \"You brought ... paving stones?!?\"